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 Journal, Property of Skylar Lynn Douglas
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Mar 24 2015, 06:36 PM
Quote
How does one even keep a journal? Is it necessary to start with "dear journal" or "dear diary" ?
I just, you know, need to rant a b get rid of some thoughts, and since I don't want to bother anyone, I figured writing them down might help easing my mind.

I know I've only been at Silas for a handful of months, but I'm starting to think that this was a bad decision. I've met some awesome people and all, like Ryder, Frank, Cat, Mel and Lily.. Wait, those are... Since when did my friend group start consisting mostly of girls? I mean, Jace is okay, as long as he is not around, and Spencer is pretty chill as well, but it is mostly the chicks that I talk with, and trust me, I don't mind because they are all made from legit awesomeness.
But the thing is that I have no control over this ability, and if it wasn't for the rare accidents, I would honestly doubt that I even have an ability. (sorry for flooding the room, Jace.)

Nothing I do seems to help making it better, and I am slightly tempted to just give up. Everything was better before all this happened. My nightmares are getting worse, and I'm way lucky if I get more than four hours of sleep. I think Jace is starting to notice, and every day that he doesn't ask, is practically a good day. As long as no one else is affected by my pathetic weaknesses, everything is shiny.

I dream of my mother practically every night now. Before that night with the pool, I only dreamed once or twice in a month. They started increasing rapidly after I found out about me being a mutant, and while I always wished to have some special power, to be a superhero, the godforsaken mutation doesn't even work properly, and honestly, lately I would give it away without a second thought if it meant getting rid of the dreams too.

Mom is no longer drowning in my dream. She is walking into the river willingly. Walking out to her waist, were a pair of hands slowly raise from the water and grabs her wrists. She looks over her shoulder and tells me that this is all my fault and I

She blames me.

She doesn't fight the hands as they slowly pull her under the surface, she just smiles. And follows.

Is it supposed to hurt thinking about this?
Will this ever get better?


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Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Mar 30 2015, 05:40 PM
Quote
You know how they say that first impressions can be misleading?
Jace is a freaking splendid example of that.

Today is laundry day, as usual, but you know, it turned out that I was in for a surprise as I started sorting the contents of my laundry basket, because firstly it contained more than expected, and secondly because it turned out that the reason that the reason for the abundance of clothes was due to some of it belonging to Jace!
That bloody idiot sneaked his laundry into MY basket! And I swear, from the state of it, I am partial to assuming that some of the things has never been washed before. It was horrible!
I am not his freaking butler, and this behaviour is downright ridiculous!

I carried it to his room, which was a terrible mess, and dumped it on his bed and hurried out of there before something in there decided to come alive and attack me. I don't know how he can live like that, but really it only confirmed my suspicion about him not having touched the vacuum since he moved in. Also he's noisy. And he never does his homework.

At least he rarely stays in, as he it too busy being out and about, acting like a fool, so I guess that it could have been slightly worse. I have to go now, the laundry doesn't clean itself, no matter what Jace might think.


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user posted image
PM
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Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Mar 31 2015, 08:20 AM
Quote
Dad called today.
He mentioned running into Sammy while shopping for groceries. Said she's doing great, and she told him that she got that job that she always talked about. Craig was with her.

Apparently they seemed close enough for dad to question me and Sammy. I guess that I should have told him about that sooner.

I told him that it was a thing that we had agreed on, since I was moving to Highcrest and such. I don't like lying to him, but it's not like he can do anything about the fact that I literally haven't talked with her since the party. I've tried, several times, but she won't
She won't talk to me.

I keep telling myself that I should be happy that she's apparently moving on without much trouble, but it really hasn't been that long, and we had just celebrated our two year anniversary, you know?
Did it really mean so little to her?
I would have been there for her if the roles were reversed, I know that.

I hope that she's happy.


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user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Apr 11 2015, 05:25 AM
Quote
I admit that I might have a problem.

It seems as if my dreams get more and more intense, and not exactly in a nice way. They happen at least two times a week, while it was perhaps once a month before I moved here. It's far from pleasant. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find asleep, because I know what I will most likely experience. I'm spending unnecessary amounts of money on keeping Redbull on stock, and I don't even like the taste of those.


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user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Apr 26 2015, 11:03 AM
Quote
My dad is dating Jace's mom.

MY DAD
IS DATING
JACE'S MOTHER!

If there really is a God somewhere, I want them to know that this is a SICK excuse of a joke! What ever did I do to deserve this?!



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user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: May 3 2015, 07:51 AM
Quote
No legit, what the hell?
Of all the people in the world, why the fuck did dad have to start something with the chick that turned out to be the mother of the jerkface that I share a dorm with?

Apparently they met on some internet side that supports relatives of mutants, started talking and then discovered that they both have children whom went to Silas. Which would be cool, if it hadn't turned out to be Jace.
Like, I honestly think that I wouldn't mind as much if I didn't share my freaking living space with him. If he wasn't always trying to make me do his laundry, if I didn't have to clean up everything, and if he didn't try to cheat off of my homework, perhaps he wouldn't bother me so much, but nope.

I've tried bringing it up, but he is surprisingly good at ignoring me when I criticize him; probably the only thing that he's been brilliant at so far.

Frank says that Jace's mom is cool though, and since dad likes her, I guess it's true, right? But really, just the thought that I'd might have to tolerate Jace for the rest of my his life, instead of just for the remaining school period...


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user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: Aug 17 2015, 03:31 PM
Quote
So...
Mom's birthday is coming up.

Dad is away on a business trip next week, so I know that he won't be leaving flowers on her grave this year, and I don't want to, you know, not do it. Like, it's a tradition, and honestly, it's the least I can do.

user posted image

Her picture is getting a bit worn, so I decided to leave it in here, for safekeeping. It's the last picture that was taken before she


It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that it is almost twenty years since we lost her

And she still grows more and more prominent in my dra dreams - I thought deaths were supposed to get easier to handle with time, not harder?
I mean, I was only 3
Technically I shouldn't even be able to remember her, but I'm pretty sure that I would be able to pick out her voice in a crowd. Part of me wants to find one of the old home tapes, to see if her voice is in fact the same that my mind supplies practically every night - but I don't know what I would do if it is. I shouldn't be able to remember stuff like that. Why would I be able to remember?

Anyway, I want to drive up and put flowers, but honestly, driving that far, alone. with my current lack of sleep would be far from responsible, and dad can't drive me. I don't even know how

I would need to ask someone with a car, or who has the option of borrowing one. Also someone who would be capable of not talk too much, because I have a feeling that I wouldn't be in the mood - at least not afterwards. Does Cat have a drivers license? Probably. But she doesn't have a car, that I know.
I could ask Spencer? Spence is chill.
I'm gonna try asking him.



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user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: May 25 2016, 01:02 PM
Quote
I'm not doing so well.

Actually it seems like things have just gotten progressively worse, since I started at Silas. I mean, besides the amazing people that I've met, I don't feel like the school has done anything positive for me.
Besides, Sunny likes Jace. That much is obvious. She was still a good friend though, I like her, but you know.. She prefers Jace, and she hasn't been around lately. Some says she transfered to another school, so on the one bright side, I don't have to watch her fawn over him. Why Jace?
Speaking of Jace... I still don't have any control, but my nightmares has increased, and through that I found out that this "gift" of mine is potentially dangerous; Jace could have gotten hurt, and

I feel like shit about that, okay?
It wasn't on purpose. I would never do that on purpose. I wouldn't. Oh god, what if he'd smashed his head against something?

I know that I should talk to dad about it, but he's been so happy since he met Gemma, and I don't wanna ruin things. All I seem to do it ruin things. I just can't make myself tell him that I've gone into another depression, and that I'm lucky to get one hour of sleep each night. It was tough last time. It would ruin his relationship, because he'd worry, and I don't want that.
He's finally moving on, and he deserves to be happy.

Maybe everything would be better if

If I just wasn't here.

Nobody would get hurt, then.

I don't want to hurt anyone.


--------------------
user posted image
PM
^
Resident
436
POSTS
22
YEARS
Water manipulation
Dating
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
played by lohke


 Posted on: May 24 2017, 02:05 PM
Quote
I can't stay here.
The school was supposed to help. Help me gaining control and prevent problems. It hasn't. Things have only gotten worse.

I'd like to believe that this isn't their fault, but things only got worse since I started here, and I don't know what else could be the cause.
I should get out of here before an accident happens; one that makes me hurt people more than I already have.

It's not like they'll miss me.
I'm just a failure.
A nobody.

They'll be better off without me anyway.
Everybody will.


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